The CTR Anthology Page 15

  Raymond: I think you love this country too much. Do you want some advice from me?

  Maria III: No.

  Blackout

  SCENE THREE

  (Farmer and Son in a field. They are farmers. But they are not working)

  Farmer: News of a certain kind travels faster than death in autumn.

  Son: Father, I have to tell you that when you say things like that I never understand them.

  Farmer: When you get to be my age it won’t matter.

  Son: Is it possible to fight a war in which not one man gets killed?

  Farmer: Only if all your soldiers are women.

  Son: I heard a rumour about a new bomb that only kills machines.

  Farmer: I think you and I should concern ourselves with more important matters. We should be thinking about what crops to plant in our fields this year.

  Son: I like wheat.

  Farmer: On the other hand, if there’s going to be a war we shouldn’t plant anything. We should burn our fields.

  Son: Why?

  Farmer: In a war, that’s what farmers do. Have you got a match?

  Son: Yes.

  Farmer: Hold on to it. No, give it to me. I don’t trust you. You’ll probably lose it. You remind me of your mother. The way you lose things. You know what bothers me the most of all? The king is making speeches again. That bothers me more than anything.

  Son: They say he moved his lips a bit this time.

  Farmer: I wonder why he did that. That bothers me. I wish you hadn’t told me that. I have enough to worry about. On the other hand, when you get to be my age nothing really bothers you all that much. That bomb you were talking about. Is that a rumour or did you read about it?

  Son: Yes. Maybe I did.

  Farmer: In that magazine. The one that is always publishing the queen’s visions.

  Son: Yes. Maybe.

  Farmer: That magazine is a terrifying thing. It has a very strong influence on our people. It worries and sickens me. Actually I don’t feel all that seriously about it at all. (The Son nods)

  Blackout

  SCENE FOUR

  (The King on his terrace.)

  King: Good news. The war has been postponed for awhile. My wife, the queen, Maria One, last night had a vision which concerns us all. This vision is published in its entirety in our local magazine and we urge you to read it. As to the war, although it has been postponed it is still impending. Now for another matter closer to home. It has come to my attention that there is a strong possibility of an insurrection in this country. Earlier this morning a small group of heavily armed terrorists kidnapped my daughter, killing all thirty of her bodyguards in the process and shooting her personal tutor in the kneecaps. Although it is slightly premature to say so, we believe these terrorists are sponsored by foreign interests. I have sent a personal message to the head of the church in the hopes that he may send a personal message to the kidnappers to allow my daughter to send a personal message to me. The lines of communication must be opened. I am not an unreasonable man. But unless steps are taken, you, the people of this country, will be forced to pay the ransom for my daughter. Democracy carries a burden equalled only by its own unfathomable nature. If my daughter is listening, I wish to tell her to be brave. Your people are praying for your quick release. Now in the matter of the war as it relates to my wife the queen, and her vision …

  Blackout

  SCENE FIVE

  (The café)

  Maria III: If the king is not human, then can his daughter be human? Why should I give money for the life of a machine?

  Raymond: Forty years ago, this country had no problems. Then one day between then and now I can’t remember the exact date, it had a great many problems indeed. That’s the line of thinking they’d have us follow. In my new book I will expose the stupidity of the government.

  Maria III: While you are busy exposing the stupidity of the government, the government is busy exposing the stupidity of the people.

  Raymond: Some time ago an independent survey conducted by an international agency concluded that the people of this country are the stupidest on the face of the earth.

  Maria III: Talk like that breaks my heart. All my family are buried in this country. My family was one of the first to settle here. Talk like that makes me cry inside. And you’re not even a real person. You write books. Now what do you want to eat? This is a restaurant. You just can’t sit there all day and not order anything. I have to make money for the ransom.

  Raymond: I’ll have a coffee.

  Maria III: You’ll have a full course meal.

  (She leaves. Raymond starts to write in his journal. The King comes on and sits next to him.)

  King: Excuse me.

  Raymond: (Looks up) Your majesty!

  King: Shush.

  Raymond: But –

  King: Shush – I’ve slipped out discreetly to find out what the people think of recent events. Can you keep a secret?

  Raymond: Yes. What is it?

  King: That was it. So?

  Raymond: Yes.

  King: What do you think of recent events?

  Raymond: Well I …

  King: Do you have any complaints?

  Raymond: Well I …

  King: That’s all I wanted to know.

  (King leaves. Maria III comes back with a cup of coffee.)

  Maria III: I decided I was too harsh with you. You can stay here all day and drink coffee. You add character to the place. That’s not my opinion but I’ve heard the tourists say so to each other.

  Raymond: The king was here.

  Maria III: You mean he drove by in his sports car?

  Raymond: No. Here. Sitting down.

  Maria III: Why?

  Raymond: He wanted the people’s opinion on certain things.

  Maria III: Well, I hope you gave him an earful.

  Raymond: I was speechless.

  Maria III: Of course. It’s the respect for the monarchy. It’s ruining us all.

  Raymond: I was going to say something.

  Maria III: But you didn’t. It has something to do with their posture I think. The posture is intimidating.

  Raymond: I saw the blue lights sparkling inside his head.

  Maria III: So it’s true.

  Raymond: I heard noises. His veins were making scratchy noises.

  Maria III: Oh no.

  Raymond: He isn’t human. Not really.

  Blackout

  SCENE SIX

  (The King’s apartment. The King and Queen are having tea.)

  King: The people are content.

  Queen: It must be difficult for them.

  King: We live in very distressing times. I’ve heard rumours about a new bomb that only kills children under the age of 12. Imagine how that must make them feel. Especially the religious ones.

  Queen: You’re a great man. To worry about strangers when our own daughter might be dead.

  King: I am a king. (He takes out a cigarette. Lights it.) My father was also a king. Did you like my father?

  Queen: Not much.

  King: No one did. That’s why we had all that trouble. He annoyed everyone. Politics. Politics are …

  Queen: I wish we’d told Maria more about politics. Then at least she might have some idea why she’s in such danger.

  King: You’re a saint.

  Queen: So are you.

  King: Although I have been having strange sensations lately. Feeling of hatred and revenge. Not very saintly I’m afraid. Just the opposite. Feelings of hatred. Just little ones mind you. But one wonders.

  Queen: I’m going to pray. (She leaves.)

  King: One wonders if things are as innocent as they appear.

  (Puffs on his cigarette. Brushes an ash from his lap.)

  Blackout

  SCENE SEVEN

  (A dark place. And damp. Maria II is tied to a chair. Gagged. The hooded Terrorist is standing beside her, reading a piece of paper)

  Terrorist: I, Maria, an enemy of the p
eople, wish to publicly renounce any claim to authority and also condemn my father and mother and call for their immediate abdication (Unties her) Sign it.

  Maria II: shakes her head “No.”

  Terrorist: (Slaps her across the face.) Sign. Or you die. Now.

  Maria II: shakes her head.

  Terrorist: (Pulls gun. Puts it to her head.) Sign.

  Maria II: nods.

  Blackout

  SCENE EIGHT

  (The café. Raymond and Maria III. Maria III is reading Raymond’s journal.)

  Raymond: The revolution of our country is totally in the hands of foreigners. As far as I know this is an unprecedented situation. We should all be feeling deep national embarrassment.

  Maria III: Your book doesn’t make any sense. You seem to be wasting your time. You have no talent. Why don’t you get a job.

  Raymond: I am well respected in other countries.

  Maria III: You should get a job. Everyone here thinks you are silly. Except for the tourists, and they are the stupidest people on the face of the earth.

  Raymond: If things get any worse I might get a job leading a revolution against the foreign revolutionaries.

  Maria III: This morning I had to pay into the ransom fund. What are the foreign revolutionaries going to do about that?

  Raymond: Why are you looking to them?

  Maria III: Everyone is looking to them. They seem to be the only ones doing anything.

  Raymond: Well, who says it was necessary to do anything?

  Maria III: They do.

  Raymond: But why do you believe them?

  Maria III: Because they are also the only ones saying anything.

  Raymond: It’s true that an extreme silence is more dangerous than anything. I wonder why the king has stopped giving speeches?

  Maria III: You were fond of the king’s speeches.

  Raymond: I didn’t listen very closely. But it was somehow comforting to know he was there.

  Maria III: He was leading this country to war.

  Raymond: I somehow didn’t believe that. I thought it was just politics. Politics are … I wonder where he is?

  Maria III: Why should you care? You saw for yourself he wasn’t human. Not really.

  Raymond: I forgave him for that. Maybe he had his reasons.

  Maria III: A rumour has it that a space ship came for him. Took him away. Things were getting out of hand so they removed him.

  Raymond: In the most ridiculous rumours often lie a grain of truth. He does appear to have vanished.

  Maria III: Then who is in charge? Who has the power?

  Raymond: The foreign revolutionaries I suppose.

  Maria III: Where are they?

  Raymond: I don’t know.

  Maria III: What do they look like?

  Raymond: I don’t know. This is intolerable. Why doesn’t someone do something?

  Maria III: This is frightening.

  Raymond: Someone must do something.

  Blackout

  SCENE NINE

  (The King on his terrace.)

  King: My people. It has come to my attention that there is a great panic amongst you. It seems you missed me and worried about your fate. Thinking perhaps that something terrible had happened to me. It was a test. You failed. But I forgive you as is my right. And now to the issues of the day. All civil liberties are revoked. Until further notice. The war still impending has been postponed again. My daughter’s fate is still unknown but the kidnappers have demanded a ransom of twice the original size. Please do what you can to appeal to these men before you all approach personal financial ruin. Your fates and the fate of my daughter are irrevocably entwined. As they should be in a society like ours. And now a few words about my wife’s latest vision which I think you will all find pertinent in innumerable ways …

  Blackout

  SCENE TEN

  (The café.)

  Maria III: The king has developed a serious twitch in his left eye. And the entire bottom half of his face is paralysed.

  Raymond: It’s a wonder he could talk at all.

  Maria III: It’s from all those years of talking without moving his lips.

  Raymond: Well at least he’s still here. I feel better.

  Maria III: I had to put more money into the ransom fund.

  Raymond: Don’t worry. I hear they plan to set up the ransom fund as a non-profit charitable organization. You’ll be able to deduct all contributions from your taxes.

  Maria III: Well, that’s something. How come you don’t have to pay?

  Raymond: Artists are exempt.

  Maria III: Why?

  Raymond: They refuse to pay anyway. So they just exempt them. It’s less confusing.

  (The Farmer and Son come on)

  Son: Have you heard the foreigners have control of the magazine and are censoring the queen’s visions?

  Farmer: Grave consequences for those who use those visions as a standard for their lives.

  Maria III: No, that was a rumour being circulated here last week, since proven untrue. You country people are always behind the times.

  Raymond: What are you doing here? You never come to town.

  Son: We’re moving here.

  Farmer: We burned our fields.

  Raymond: Why?

  Farmer: Because of the war.

  Maria III: The war has been postponed.

  Farmer: Preposterous. I’ll seek compensation.

  Raymond: You can’t. You have no rights.

  Son: What do we do?

  Farmer: I don’t know.

  Son: You must.

  Farmer: No. I give up. You’re in charge of the family now. You make the decisions. I’ll obey.

  Son: Very well. Sit down. (Farmer sits.) Stand up. (Farmer stands.) Sit down. (Farmer sits.)

  Farmer: Son, what is all this about?

  Son: I was just seeing if you meant it. We’ll have some coffee. (Maria III goes inside.) So we have no rights. So the foreigners have taken over our revolution. So the war is postponed but will probably still happen. Something must be done. I think I’ll do something. Yes. Why not?

  (Farmer and Raymond look at each other.)

  Blackout

  SCENE ELEVEN

  (Maria II tied to a chair. Terrorist is spoon-feeding her cold soup)

  Maria II: This soup is cold.

  Terrorist: Don’t complain.

  Maria II: I hate cold soup. I hate any kind of soup.

  Terrorist: You’re lucky we feed you at all.

  Maria II: You’re letting it dribble down my chin.

  Terrorist: Stop complaining.

  Maria II: But it will stick and harden and make me uncomfortable.

  Terrorist: Look at it this way. You’re lucky to be alive.

  Maria II: I couldn’t sleep last night. You and your friends were making too much noise in the next room.

  Terrorist: If you want to complain about something complain about something important.

  Maria II: You’re feeding me too fast.

  Terrorist: Complain about your father refusing to pay the ransom. Making the poor people pay it instead. Complain about the stupidity of the people for going along with it. You seem to be the only person in this country who complains about anything even if it is about trivial matters. (He grabs her hair.) You make me angry.

  Maria II: Are you planning to kill me?

  Terrorist: Yes.

  Maria II: Tell me about yourself. What you believe in.

  Terrorist: Why?

  Maria II: I’m genuinely interested.

  Blackout

  SCENE TWELVE

  (The café. Farmer is sweeping the floor. Maria III comes out with table cloths. Begins to put them on tables.)

  Farmer: The king’s daughter has joined the terrorists and can be seen travelling around the country burglarizing the homes of prosperous merchants. The queen has been praying steadily now for five weeks without food or drink and the king is said to be in the middle of a mood so dark that no o
ne can see the blue lights sparkling in his eyes any more. The head of the church has been taken seriously ill but has given the entire country the last rites from his sick bed. The local magazine advises us all to take this as a symbolic gesture only and to proceed with our lives. But many people have given up. Your friend the novelist has formed an ultra-conservative monarchist party which vows to rid the country of the foreign terrorist revolutionaries and then make the king answer to the charge of abandoning human characteristics in times of crisis. I myself feel that since I gave up my health has suffered severely having had two minor heart attacks and losing the ability to hear unless people shout directly into my ears.

  Maria III: I’m very depressed.

  Farmer: What was that? (He has a severe heart attack. Sits in one of the chairs. And dies.)

  Maria III: He’s dead. God bless him. I couldn’t pay him anyway. The government refuses to return money from the ransom fund even though the king’s daughter has joined the terrorists. They say they intend to use the money to pay for her lawyers once she is caught. I’m depressed. I have no money. The tourists aren’t coming any more because Mr Raymond is not here to add colour to the place. My life is falling apart. And I’m talking a lot to myself. (Raymond comes on. He has lost an arm and he has a patch over one eye.) You look wonderful. Not for your own sake perhaps. But for the amount of colour you will bring to the café. Sit down. You can drink coffee all day. (She goes inside.)

  Raymond: Wait. (He sits.) I have learned much over the last little while. I have learned that artists should not get involved in politics. Not really. I have learned that the loss of an arm is a major inconvenience. I have learned – (Looks around. Looks at the dead Farmer.) No one is listening to me.

  Blackout

  SCENE THIRTEEN

  (The King’s apartment. The King is pacing. The Queen is eating a lot of food very quickly.)

  King: The people are talking to themselves. Right now it’s only a problem in the cities but as is the trend with everything it will soon reach out into the country. In the country it will do the most damage because there no one will notice the difference.